Three things
There are three things I’d like to mention today.
- Pita bread. Somebody please explain to me why it is so hard to find in the supermarket. Every supermarket keeps it in a different place. I’ve seen it kept near the deli on little racks that are low to the ground. I don’t know why they think that’s where it belongs, except that hummus is also frequently sold there, and the two seem to go together well. I’ve also seen it near the tortillas and other such things, which I guess makes sense because they are both round, flat breads. I rarely actually see it in the bread area, which I think is strange because it is bread. It even has the word "bread" in the name. Pita bread. See? There it is. Anyway, I was at Rainbow yesterday and I wanted to buy pita bread. So first I checked near the hummus, on this large refrigerated display thing where they also keep the fancy cheeses and stuff. Nope, no pita bread. OK. I’ll look near the tortillas. Nope. OK. I’ll look in the actual bread aisle. Nope. OK. I’ll look near the bagels. Nope. OK. I’ll look near the bakery. Nope. OK. I’ll look near the deli, which is right by where the hummus is, and I didn’t see it there before, but I’ll check anyway. Nope. How does this story end? Embarassingly. It turns out that it was in the bread aisle after all. Damn. I just didn’t see it, because it was kind of hard to spot. But the point is, this saga would not have happened if supermarkets would standardize their pita bread placement. It would save us all a lot of trouble.
- Axe murderers. They have a very bad reputation. Much worse than regular murderers. People who choose to murder using poison, guns, knives, or other means don’t have nearly the stigma that axe murderers do. How do I know this? Because whenever somebody is looking for the ultimate noun to embody what a crazy person is, they choose "axe murderer." Like, when you meet a new person, and somebody says, "How is he?" and you say, "Well, I don’t know him too well yet, but I’m pretty sure he’s not an axe murderer." Or when you’re talking about your quiet, creepy neighbor, and you say "I think he might be an axe murderer." Why the fascination with axes? Is there something that’s so much worse about murdering people with axes than murdering them with something else? I think the murder is the bad part. The choice of weapon is secondary. The only explanation I can think of is that in order to be an axe murderer, you really have to do some planning. An axe is not something you just pick up and swing at somebody in the heat of the moment. If you are an axe murderer, that means you actually decided to go out to the garage, find an axe, and then go find somebody to murder with it. I guess that is a little scary. Of course, you need the same degree of premeditation with something like poison, but poison isn’t nearly as messy or brutal-seeming. So maybe this is why we consider axe murderers to be so much worse than shotgun murderers or some such thing.
- The turkey. Remember my turkey? Once again, I’ve gone several weeks without seeing the turkey along Energy Park Drive. I miss the turkey. It turns out I’m not the only one. a few days ago, somebody actually put up a sign along the road that says "Where’s the turkey?" The best part is that on the other side, is has the same message, but in Spanish. It is comforting to know that I’m not the only person who has missed that big old turkey.
