A place called B.L.O.G.

Sometimes, people say to me, "Dylan, do you have any tattoos?" And since I don’t have any, I’ll say, "Yes, and maybe you’ll get to see them someday if you’re lucky."

OK. I don’t really say that. That would be misleading. And also kind of a weird thing to say to people. Come to think of it, that’s a really dumb thing to say for several reasons. But the point is, when you were reading that sentence, you weren’t expecting that, were you? No, you weren’t. I’m unpredictable that way. You just never know what I’m going to write next.

(aardvark)

See? I did it again! I wrote "aardvark" for no particular reason at all. There is no way you could have seen that coming! Ha!

Anyway, on to the point of today’s blog entry: Tattoos. It is true that I have no tattoos. I have struggled with the question of whether I’m a tattoo-having kind of guy. There are certain circumstances under which there is a measure of credibility attached to getting a tattoo. Being drunk in Mexico is a good one. Also, it’s good if you have some deep spiritual reason or symbolism going on. Being in the Navy is an acceptable reason. It’s also OK to get a tattoo if you belong to a gang of ruffians. Tattoos are very popular among the ruffians of today, I’m told.

But what’s my reason? Just because I feel like it? There’s no credibility there. Getting a tattoo just because you think it’s cool to have a tattoo is a major step down the road to dorkhood. (Of course, using a word like "dorkhood" is also a step down that particular road, but whatever. I’m a dork that way.)

So, I’ve always thought that if I were to get a tattoo someday, it would have to be for a good reason and it would have to have some actual meaning.

Well, I’ve been thinking about it lately. I think I might have an idea for a tattoo that meets my high standards. But I need to figure out what part of the body it belongs on. Here are the candidates I’ve come up with.

Forearm
Pros: Visible. Sensible. Not too weird.
Cons: Visible. Kind of weird.

Butt cheek
Pros: When people ask where I got a tattoo, I’d get to say "on my butt cheek."
Cons: Everything else about it.

Bicep
Pros: Hidden most of the time. Very manly.
Cons: I don’t think I’m that manly.

Back of neck
Pros: I might forget it’s there, and that could be funny. Also, it’s in the center of my body, which would allow me to remain basically symmetrical.
Cons: I think it would hurt. Plus that seems like a place that’s best for a prison tattoo.

Forehead
Pros: Good conversation starter.
Cons: Would probably scare children and the elderly.

Back of shoulder
Pros: Discreet. Kind of elegant.
Cons: Seems slightly girly.

Calf
Pros: My calves are my favorite body part.
Cons: Calves are weird places for tattoos.

Chest
Pros: Seems really cool.
Cons: There would probably be some shaving involved. Also, not sure if I have the kind of chest that can pull it off.

What to do? Suggestions? Anybody?

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 21st, 2006 at 6:11 pm and is filed under My life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.